“for God have us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
I have lived the past 25 plus years in a varying state of fear and anxiety. If I’m not smack in the midst of fear, it has been continually lurking about just waiting for an opportunity to show itself. If there is something to worry about, no matter how small, I’ve been the person who could identify it and go crazy with fear. My brain’s first reaction is to find the danger, even when that danger is ridiculously unlikely.
Yesterday I made a decision to end this path that I am on. My daughter has been away at camp and that is strange for me not because she’s not home but because I can’t reach her. I know full well that she is safe and surrounded by adults from our church who love her and will watch out for her as well as ALL the kids at camp. I found out that she got a sunburn yesterday and it sent me into a tailspin! Should I go get her? Is someone making sure she’s drinking water? Is there aloe vera to put on the burn? Will she get sick? In about a 60-second time span in my head, and I’m not joking on that, I was launching out to go and bring her home. I was upset that she didn’t put enough on herself. I was upset that no one reminded her to put it on more. I was upset that God allowed it and my immediate reaction was that she wouldn’t have gotten a sunburn if I had been there. I would have kept her safe.
I would have kept her safe. See, right there is my problem, I believe she is only truly safe when I’m close by and that is a lie straight from Satan himself and he has used this lie to have a foothold in my life. While it is true that the odds are in my favor for keeping her from getting a sunburn if I were there, my slathering her with sunscreen constantly doesn’t help her grow as an individual, it keeps me being her protector and that’s not my job. I have basically said to God that I trust Him for somethings but not all things. I tell people every single day to trust God, to give your problems and concerns to God and He’ll carry you but I’m not living like I believe that. I’m believing a lie that says I’m just a nervous person, I’m just prone to anxiety, I was created this way and God understands my limitations. Lies. Lies. Lies. And these lies are stopping me from moving forward down the path that God has for me. I’ll still have a wonderful life full of God’s blessing, but I won’t have His best life because I won’t walk into it with fear.
So last night as I’m praying and chatting with a friend about the sunburn thing and fear in general in my head of thinking, “well, it’s just my anxiety disorder and God please give me peace.” God spoke to my heart and showed me that what I have is bigger than a medical diagnosis of anxiety disorder, what I have is a faith disorder. Webster’s defines disorder as a “breach of peace” and I love this!!I have been letting a diagnosis that I received 27 years ago reign and create a breach of peace in my life. God’s sovereignty may have allowed it but He did not bring it. I declared the power of 2 Timothy 1:7 last night that God has given me a spirit of power, love and self control and not fear! I have put fear on the throne of my life for too long and I’m not doing it anymore. My diagnosis of anxiety disorder is not who I am, it’s just some silly name that some doctor assigned to me so long ago that I don’t even remember when or who or why!
We can’t live in fear AND live in faith. It’s not possible. If when live in fear, we have a breach of peace and Jesus is not King in our lives because He gave us His perfect peace. I have allowed the enemy space in my life and last night I escorted him out. This new place of power in the Holy Spirit isn’t necessarily going to be easy because the enemy is a lurker, and I know that with God, I will not live in a state of anxiety any longer. I may need to quote this verse to myself multiple times a day but I will grab hold and saturate my life with it. My phobias and fears are no longer welcome and they will no longer be explained away as something I can’t do anything about. I can do all things through Christ and His power will conquer this stronghold in my life and in my daughter’s life.
I’m praying that if you deal with fear and anxiety, you will join me on this journey to power, love and self control. No excuses, no diagnoses, no breach of peace….just faith. Email me if you would like a prayer partner, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Live in God’s love, grace, peace and mercy,