“Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, “You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.” Psalm 142:5
Yesterday started out bad and emotional. I woke up and started crying immediately. Have you ever had a day like that? Where when you wake up you are just…off? I was letting the stress of this life get to me and I was losing my eternal perspective and as soon as that happens, I start to feel overwhelmed. I was facing a challenging conversation at work and coming off of challenging conversations at home. I was trying to hold people accountable for their actions when really all I wanted to do was say, “it’s ok, I’ll pick up your slack. Don’t worry.” I was wanting someone to come in on a white horse and pick me up and carry me away. I was Peter who walked out on the water in faith, looked at the storm around and started to sink. I wanted a place of refuge only I wanted it here on this earth instead of with my Redeemer, Jesus and my heavenly Father.
It is not always easy for me to be single and here’s why…I want someone here and now to physically touch my arm, give me a hug and tell me it’ll be alright. I am a leader at work, at church and at home and I am that not because I seek it but because it is who God as made me and I love it! And yet some days, I want to be the slacker who lives in their mom’s basement. Yesterday was that day, I just wanted to be a slacker. I wanted everyone else to hold themselves accountable and not make me do it. I didn’t want to hear the news of close friends being laid off, of people worrying about being fired and of my daughter complaining that I was being too hard on her for not doing her homework. And if I’m being completely honest, I wanted a drink. Alcohol is completely off-limits for me for the rest of my life and I know that. And in the midst of the stress of yesterday, as I called people to pray with me who weren’t at their phones, as I felt as alone as it gets, my enemy was quick on my heals to say go have a drink. It’ll relax you. Everyone drinks when they have stressful days. It’s ok, you don’t have a problem with it anymore. Thank you Jesus that I didn’t believe those lies!
My day started in tears and let me tell you how it ended. My day ended with me sitting in one chair reading my bible and my daughter sitting in her chair reading her book. We then decided we would get ready for bed and read our favorite childhood books to each other. So we laid in bed and I read two of my favorites which I’ve read a million times to her and she read me two of her favorites. God had provided me His refuge. God had reached down, touched my arm and said, “It’s going to be alright.” As we prayed together and then chatted, I was struck with how amazing my life is and how all I really want is to be with God.
God is my husband, He is the one on the white horse that rides into my life to pick me and the best part of that is He never rides out! I forgot yesterday that I was on His horse and I thought I was alone on my own. Isaiah 54:5 says, “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called.” And then down in verse 10 it says, “For the mountains my depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed.” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
So my prayer today is, “forgive me Father because I lost sight of you as my refuge yesterday. Forgive me that I tried to go through the day on my own without remembering that you are always with me and you always have compassion for me. Thank you for not letting me give in to the temptation of alcohol. Thank you for loving me through my daughter. Thank you for being my everything. Thank you.”
If you are feeling the stress of this world, turn to God as your refuge. If you need a prayer partner, send me an email at email@example.com. We do not go through this life alone ever so don’t believe that lie. Live in God’s love, grace, peace and mercy.